Dr. Lemco’s 42 Rules to Life

As a general rule, I don’t much care for rules. Most laws and restrictions can kick rocks as well. I advocate for freedom and chaos, and believe that carefulness is a terrible disease. However, I also understand that life is balanced, and some order is required.

So, here are some rules that I believe in, and try to live by:

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #1: Do illegal shit, never immoral shit.

As I said, most rules, laws, and restrictions are crap. Do whatever you want, just don’t be an asshole about it. So long as you’re never consciously making somebody else’s day worse, you should be alright.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #2: Follow the 5X5 Rule.

If it isn’t gonna matter in 5 years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes being upset about it.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #3: There are very few things in life worth waiting in line for.

In fact, I’d be hard pressed to come up with any. Try me.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #4: Always bring the shopping cart back to the designated area.

There is no penalty for not doing it, nor is there any reward for doing it, and someone making minimum wage will do it for you if you don’t. Do it anyway.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #5: Never lie.

It’s not worth having to remember what you said.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #6: You don’t need to care about the bottoms of your feet.

It’s simply not worth it, and besides, the tougher they are, the better.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #7: Slow your tick.

It’s my belief that every living creature has an inner metronome that radiates from within them. Others call it aura or vibration or whatever. The more anxious or stressed you are, the faster your ticking noise goes. Unclench your jaw, take a deep breath, and slow down.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #8: If a toddler hands you an imaginary or fake phone, you answer it.

Don’t be a crabby old hag; pick up the phone and let your childlike imagination play. Besides, you probably need it more than them.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #9: Dont criticize what you don’t understand.

That isn’t to say “just shut up” either. Feel free to listen and learn, or ask questions, just don’t judge something you don’t know enough about.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #10: Trust yourself, don’t listen to yourself.

Know the difference. Your brain tells you things that are untrue, while your gut is always honest with you.

While we’re on the subject…

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #11: Never believe anything you tell yourself after 9pm.

Remember; you are what you believe you are. No matter what you’ve convinced yourself, do yourself a service and sleep on it before acting on it. 9 times out of 10, you’ll feel differently in the morning.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #12: You never really need a towel.

A towel is a luxury, never a necessity.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #13: If you are able, always choose the stairs.

Escalators and elevators may seem convenient, especially on steep climbs, but the stairs are almost always better for you. Choose harder options for an easier life.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #14: Refill the Brita when you finish it.

Don’t leave it on the counter. Don’t put it back in the fridge. Fill that sucker up right away.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #15: Use a coaster on wood surfaces.

Gotta respect wood.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #16: Listen to what old folks and young kids have to say.

Forget influencers, gurus, and professionals; the best source of wisdom comes from those who have weathered the storm of life, and the best inspiration comes from the innocent ones who have yet to experience it.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #17: Dance everyday.

Even if it’s just for one song. Even if you’re sitting down. Move your body to some music daily.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #18: If you ever walk past an establishment and hear the Beastie Boys blaring, go inside.

There are no exceptions to this rule.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #19: If you can’t kill an animal, don’t eat meat.

This may be a controversial one, but I stand by it. If you want to eat meat, that’s fine, but everyone who does should know the cost first hand.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #20: There’s never a good reason for violence, but it is good to know a few violent people.

Just in case.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #21: Never headbutt a Samoan.

You will regret it.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #22: Be a good person, but don’t waste your time proving it.

Nobody who matters should need to be convinced.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #23: When playing recreational sports, don’t call foul unless you’re bleeding.

Fouls are mulligans. Do you really need it, or do you want to get better?

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #24: Be a good host.

Make sure people feel comfortable in your home. Guests are not a responsibility to worry about, they are a privilege to enjoy.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #25: Wasting a scammers time is time well spent.

We live in an age ripe with scoundrels and pirates. Sometimes, it’s fun to make them regret their ways.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #26: Be water.

The most foolish thing a person can do is believe they are in control. You are not the dam. Don’t try to fight it. Life gets easier when you go where the current takes you.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #27: When it comes to clothes, give away rather than return.

If you’ve purchased an item / items you no longer wish to keep, give it to someone. Turn your mistake into an act of generosity, rather than just reversing the mistake.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #28: Practice falling down.

At some point, we all take tumbles. Make sure that you’re ready for it and good at it.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #29: It’s better to make a difference than to have fans.

Clout isn’t all it’s made up to be. Want to be an influencer? Then influence.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #30: When creating, think in terms of NEW > GOOD.

I would rather create an atrocious new genre of music than be the millionth person to sound just like Drake.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #31: Value ideas over opportunities.

You are an antenna to the cosmos, constantly transmitting thoughts and ideas. Listen to them, and when one speaks to you, act on it as quickly as you can. Throughout your life, there will be plenty of people with plenty of great offers to help them with their ideas. Remember that yours are more important.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #32: Money can’t un-lame a lame.

You can’t buy The Juice. A lame is a lame regardless of the watch they’re wearing.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #33: Order what you want, not what you can afford.

In my experience, putting the carriage ahead of the horse works. I get what I want, then I make sure I can afford it, in that order. This only works if you’re willing, able, and enjoy putting yourself into a hole to climb out of.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #34: Spend on things that are worth it.

I believe on frugality, but not at the expense of health, happiness, or comfort. Make sure you love your home; that’s where you exist! Things that are worth investing in: your bed, your work space, your self care. Things that aren’t: expensive sunglasses. Cheap ones do the same shit and you won’t feel shitty when you lose them.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #35: Make mistakes, so long as they’re new ones.

Making the same mistakes is bad. Making new mistakes is good

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #36: Don’t listen to them.

Despite everything you see on a constant basis, we’re living in the most civil and peaceful time in human history. Love is at an all-time high, and that’s exactly why we’re constantly being force-fed so much hate.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #37: Just because someone is offended, that doesn’t mean they’re right.

Think before apologizing.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #38: Surround yourself with the right people.

You are an amalgamation of the handful of people you ingest the most of. Be around people who value you, AND who you can bring value to. Be around people who don’t confuse confidence with ego. Be around people who charge your batteries. Disclaimer: following this rule is also a shortcut to loneliness. Be prepared for it.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #39: Don’t brag about things you’ve gotten away with.

It’s never too late to get caught.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #40: Start now.

I know I can get caught up “planning”. However, only plan what’s necessary, because it’s easy to fall into a trap set by insecurity. Don’t listen to it. Get started as fast as you can and you’ll figure it out along the way. All good things must begin. Life is short and full of surprises so do what you love and don’t waste time.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #41: Make for yourself, not the audience.

You must create for yourself, not for the viewer. The world needs more artists and less content creators.

Dr. Lemco’s Rule #42: Please without interest.

Selfless acts like giving, helping, and pleasing should be selfish in nature, done because you want to, because they bring you value, and/or because they make you feel good. Any motive that relies on somebody else’s reaction to your action, is dogshit.