Jan 13th, 2022

I’m going to miss it, to be honest. I know it was awful and caused a lot of shit for a lot of people, but speaking on a personal level, about me and my life? I’m going to miss it.

I love painting. I love reading. I love taking baths. I love watching weird YouTube videos and smoking weed and writing things and being surrounded by all the things that I chose and listening to the music that I feel like listen to and not having to be anywhere or follow any schedules or have to rely on anyone for anything or have anyone depend on me for anything. I love having a valid Get Out Of Jail Free card for absolutely anything whatsoever. It’s a pandemic, damnit!

But I’m also aware that, despite how it sounds, it isn’t healthy. I say that with stubborn reluctance. It’s like eating chocolate cake for every single meal, every single day. I can probably do it for a week, or maybe even a month, and some people can probably even do two years, but nobody is ever going to argue that it’s healthy.

After a while (not sure if I mean the two years this pandemic has gone on, the month we’ve been in this current lockdown, or the week since I’ve last gone outdoors), it’s tough to decipher between loving something and being addicted to something. I think that line can be defined as the point when you no longer enjoy it, but even that is hard to understand sometimes. I’ve been sitting in a box, doing the same exact thing everyday, for what feels like an eternity.

I’m going to miss this. I know that I am. But I also miss going to a bar and taking a piss in the bathroom while two dudes talk and do drugs at the mirror while loud music blares in the background as I drunkely stare at my stream going right into one of the holes of a urinal. I miss that too. I miss breathing in a music festival port-o-potty. I miss playing pick-up basketball. I miss showing up somewhere and getting a warm welcome and flirting and sharing a joint and sunlight and fresh air.

I’ll see y’all in April.

(By the way, gonna start using this Medium account as a digital journal. Read at your own risk.)