Report: Temperatures Won’t Drop Below Zero In Montreal This Winter

Look, I’m all about manifestation.

I believe in getting back from the universe what you give, whether good or bad. Think bad thoughts, and bad things will happen. Think good thoughts, and good things will happen. It’s most likely just a matter of shaping your outlook instead of actual sorcery, but regardless, it’s how I choose to conduct myself.

Having said that, let’s make sure everyone is on the same page here and we all heard that temperatures won’t drop below zero in Montreal this winter. It just started snowing, and everyone is bracing themselves for the winter ahead, but what if it wasn’t a bad one? What if winter was actually kind of mild this year? Yes! Let’s make it happen.

I mean, it’s not like the chumps at the weather stations know any better. We give them the benefit of the doubt as “experts” but when a meteorologist claims there’s a 60% chance of rain and then it doesn’t rain, does he or she lose their credibility? No! It’s the only job where you can fail time and time again and just chalk it up to part of the trade. What kind of racket is this?

We’ve established that there’s no such thing as “experts” when it comes to predicting the weather, so why can’t we just predict it ourselves? I think it’s going to be a nice winter, so I’m writing this *official* report. Now, you can go tell your family and friends that you read a report that said it’s going to be a nice winter.

Go on, tell everyone. Say you read it online. Don’t mention me by name, just say “they’re saying it’s going to be pretty cool”; nobody ever questions who “they” are. In fact, share this article. Nobody actually reads articles, they just skim headlines and believe whatever it says, so let’s get this headline popping up on as many news feeds and timelines as possible and make sure everyone believes that winter isn’t gonna be that bad.

We can do it. We have the power.